Saturday, June 9, 2012


We can intentionally or even unintentionally hurt each other only slightly, but get so stuck in that “slight” hurt that it festers into an absolutely awful infection and can end up destroying the relationship.  The festering pain is way beyond the original “slight” pain.

On the other hand, I have seen couples who have hurt each other far beyond what is acceptable, yet they each had a desire from some place inside their souls to experience  healing and forgiveness and they did.

Chances are we are going to hurt each other in our relationship.  Regardless of whether it is a little or big hurt, the question is, can we heal?  Will we be willing to heal each other?  Will we be willing to ask or beg for forgiveness and will we be willing to forgive?  Will we eventually be able to let it go?

These are critical questions and Chapter Nineteen, “Rituals For Healing And Forgiveness” addresses these questions.

Some of what is in Chapter Nineteen is based upon a wonderful old book by George Bach and Harold Goldberg called CREATIVE AGGRESSION.  This link is to Amazon and there are a variety of editions available.  I recommend the edition from the late 60's.  It is an interesting and fun book to read and offers very specific and concrete exercises for appropriate expression of anger in a relationship as well as rituals for healing hurt.

There is also an excellent program, called Retrouvaille, for couples who have either ended their relationship or are on the verge of ending their relationship because the pain and the hurt in the relationship is so intense that it has become impossible for them to sustain any kind of healthy life together. 

What is unique about this program is that it was developed by couples, as mentioned above, who had hurt each other deeply but valued their relationship enough to want to heal the relationship.

Here is the Link to Retrouvaille.  Check it out.

Pain, hurt, resentments, all inevitable experiences even in a good relationship.  Many of us never saw our parents working through hurt.  Some of our parents divorced.  Some stayed together but didn’t really live, but only survived.  So most of us have little to draw from in terms of first hand experience when it comes to healing and forgiveness.

If you have a question or comment about healing and forgiveness, post it here or on the Facebook page.

Don’t forget to purchase your personal copy of the book at either AMAZON or BARNES AND NOBLE.


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