Saturday, February 12, 2011


Hey Guys,

You gotta stop making us ALL look bad.  Now if you bought her a vacuum cleaner last year....  You didn't really did you?  Come on.  And you wonder why you haven't gotten any?  Come on, get a grip!  Okay, so you got her the vacuum last year.  This year, DO NOT,  DO NOT, get her a set of steak knives or any kind of cutlery or scissors.  Don't even think chainsaw, even if she does like to trim the hedges and the trees.  She will go after only one kind of wood this years.  YOURS.

AND DO NOT say to her, "Honey, you know I am not the romantic type."  You're suicidal, you idiot.  Tell her you're not the romantic type now or anywhere near or after Valentine's Day, and you might as well tell her you can't stand sex because you will not have sex until Mother's Day when you will get another shot at being romantic and getting her an exciting gift.

Look, Lent does not begin until March 09, and if you keep talking this ignorant male BS, your Lent is going to start today.

ONE MORE THING.  CHANGE, you idiot.  Don't tell me you can't because I saw you practicing on the trapeze bar in the backyard trying to get your body flexible enough to do those wild positions that are absolutely impossible except for double jointed midgets and very very very skinny people.  It is all fake.  Do not believe a thing you see or you will die trying.  But notice what you are willing to put yourself through for a muscle cramp.  So yeah, you can find the motivation to change.  And a big help in this department here is the book, From The Frying Pan To The Jacuzzi.  Buy it NOW.  There is still time.  And if you live anywhere in Southern California, call me to make an appointment and give that as a gift as well.  951-440-9417.






Thursday, February 10, 2011


What is the very BEST gift to RECEIVE on Valentine’s Day?

I’ve heard it said that women like to receive jewelry, and I heard a very funny joke from a woman friend about how women get jewelry.  Unfortunately I can’t tell it here!

It is rumored that besides jewelry, women also like flowers, chocolates, a CARD, and AFFECTION.

Men have the reputation of being satisfied with a romp in the bed or if they are farmers, a romp in the hay.  I think most men would be willing to forgo the romp for just a little sex!  What?  Romp and sex are the same?  Oh!

But aside from what is rumored about men and women, what IS the best gift that you can RECEIVE on Valentine’s Day?  What is going to make your heart grow fonder?

I think we have probably become pretty good at GIVING what we think will please the other person, and maybe even skillful at taking and demanding, but this RECEIVING “thing” is another story.

I know for some of us, perhaps the best gift to receive would be FREEDOM and not FREEDOM from but FREEDOM within.  And it is a gift that we can receive only from ourselves.  Wow!  Imagine that.  So we can’t blame anyone for not giving it to us!  We can’t blame anyone if we are not free.

And as I look back over my 65 years of being in relationships, I have to ask myself what stopped me from giving myself that freedom?  Why did I hold my breath for so long?  Why did I blame so many other people for strangling me, choking me, holding me hostage?  How did I allow myself to be possessed in relationships?  At rock bottom, it was probably FEAR that drove me to give up my freedom.

Although these following gifts are also gifts that I really can give myself and perhaps better give myself, they are also gifts which are kind of cool to RECEIVE from another person.

❦For you to tell me that you love me.

Come on, guys, get the words out.  Practice in the car till the words become second nature.  Of course, you don’t talk like that, because you’re an idiot.  Come on, the three most simplest words.  Stop making it so difficult.  Just say them.  Forget whether or not you talk like that.

❦For you to tell me that I am sexy.

❦For you to tell me that I am intelligent and you think I am smart, perhaps tell me I am smarter than you!

❦For you to tell me that you trust me....with the car keys and the new car!

❦For you to tell me I am beautiful.

It’s all just simple stuff, right?  If you cannot give these simple gifts, then maybe, it’s a worth a good look at your “relationship” and maybe it isn’t a relationship.

So join the discussion on Facebook and share with us.

And don’t forget one really excellent choice for a gift is this wonder filled book, From The Frying Pan To The Jacuzzi.  ORDER NOW FROM AMAZON 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Honey, I know you threatened to get Fred, that rottweiler, to keep me in line when I refused to do the simple things, like say “I love you.”  But what if I do one better and get this really cool, well, really HOT gift for Valentine’s?  I’ve heard it really does a trick on your relationship.

You start talking some pretty sizzling and hot stuff together, and you might as well be in the jacuzzi while you’re doin’ it, this...this...well, it’s like a recipe book.  Well, no, not a cookbook, but it will get our relationship cooking again.

They say we can do this thing in bed, while sitting at the breakfast table together, while at the beach.  Well, I should stop talking about it.  I haven’t gotten it yet for us, but the fact is I am about to.  And it’s easy.  I don’t have to spend hours at the jewelry story looking at ten thousand dollar diamonds and feeling like a cheap date!  And you know what?  Well, I was wondering if there’s a book you have wanted to buy for a long time and just haven’t for whatever reason, because I could order it with our Valentine’s gift and get free shipping.  And the money we save on shipping, well, maybe we could get a yogurt together. That’d be romantic, no?  This is a guarantee of changes from me, honey.  I would hope you might make a few as well, but....hey, this is my gift to you.  Love ya.

From The Frying Pan To The Jacuzzi. Order your copy today


Monday, February 7, 2011


Honey, I wanted to put some of the hot and sizzle back into our relationship without the burn and the sting.  So I got something special for both of us for Valentine's Day.  Something we can do together.  Something that will be worth more than the diamonds, last longer than the roses, sustain us during those times when our love making for whatever reason gets put on the back burner.  You know, headache time!

We can do a little bit or even a lot, every night, or even at breakfast before we head out for work in the morning.  On our days off, we can lay in bed and do it together.  Someone said it is worth a year in therapy, and really good when the jacuzzi goes on the blink.

So open it up, Honey.  Do you like it?  Look inside.  It says just exactly what you are always telling me, but I haven't listened.  Dave said he and Neff are doing it and it's making a huge difference.  I got it on Amazon, Honey.  No, it's not, well sort of like a cook book, but more a way to get us cooking again.