Monday, July 11, 2011


Being able to share your expectations for your vacation with  your sweatheart may be a daunting task.  You may end up really angry with each other weeks before the vacation even begins.  You may start out the vacation feeling hurt and feeling hopeless that what you hope to get out of the vacation just isn't going to happen.

So why ruin an otherwise perfect vacation by sharing ahead of time your expectations?  Are you nuts?

Well,  you might be nuts not to.  I mean why go on a vacation where nothing that you hope for happens?  Talk about resentment building and Oh, look out for that Thanksgiving Dinner ten years from now when you've had a little too much wine and you begin letting not only your sweet heart, but the entire family know what a "B" your sweet heart really is for never paying attention to what you want out of your vacations together!  It gets even more interesting when the glass of wine is tossed in his or her face!!  Watch the movie "Home For the Holidays."

And I am NOT recommending tossing glasses of wine in anyone's face.

So how do you go about discussing such a thing as vacation expectations?  Well, there is a way.  You start out by simply LISTENING to your sweetheart's expectations without comment.  Your sweetheart listens to your expectations also without comment.  It really isn't a difficult as it sounds.  It's a simple decision you make to listen to each other without comment.  You let the other's expectations roll around in your head for a few days, and while they are rolling around up there, you begin to acknowledge to yourself what you can live with.  Yes, what can you live with.  NOT what you agree with, not what you disagree with, not what seems stupid or ridiculous or manipulative or a waste of vacation time and money, but WHAT YOU CAN LIVE WITH.

In the corporate world, they refer to this as a process of consensus.  It is VERY different from compromise and it is NOT compromise.

In order to "do" consensus, the two of you need to shift into INTERDEPENDENCE.  The book is all about interdependence, and the final chapter, "Know There Is A Dance" is all about the developmental stages of a relationship which culminate, so to speak, in interdependence.  Interdependence is the part of the dance that brings all the other stages together into "wholeyness."

Check out Vacation Expectations  on hubpages for more details.  Check out the book for even more details.  Buy a book for a friend as well.  A small price for a happy vacation and a happy relationship.