THE COMPATIBILITY MYTH

Hey, it's Monday morning.  Imagine that?  Ugh for some and Yippee for others!   Yeah, we're all strange in our own rite (or is it right?).

Are we compatible?  I think many folks ask that question when they are not sure if they want to commit to a relationship or when the going gets tough and they want to find a justifiable way out.

I will not get extreme on you and say compatibility is bunk, but I think it is highly overrated and shifts the focus away from what the conflict is all about.  Basically, conflict is about needs and learning how to respond to the other's needs.  Once we learn how to do that, the issue of compatibility becomes an interesting point to explore, but in the bottom line it may also be a mute point.

I've heard some folks talk about being evenly yoked.  I think people can be evenly yoked but incompatible as all get out.

When you find someone you love who is incompatible with your personality, yes, you got some questions to ask and some work to do if you choose to pursue.  But don't throw in the towel over compatibility or incompatibility.

Let's take yesterday's example of the party.  One of you wants to stay until the party is over and then some.  One of you wants the heck out of there after 20 minutes.  So the seemingly incompatible difference between the Extravert and Intravert.

SOLUTION:  Acknowledge your differences RESPECTFULLY.  Talk about them so that each of you is familiar with the other person's trait.  Talk about it NOT from the perspective of one of you is a party animal and the other a party pooper.  Talk about it from the perspective of energy.  Acknowledge and accept that one of you gains energy exponentially as the party revs up, and one of you loses energy exponentially as the part drags on.

SO BE RESPONSIVE TO EACH OTHER'S NEEDS.  The party animal could consider remaining physically close to his or her partner.  The party animal could consider taking a time out with his or her partner:  a walk around the parking lot or the block if it's a safe neighborhood, or just moseying to a "private" or "secluded" spot periodically.  For the Intravert, let yourself feel free to recoup in the bathroom periodically even if you don't have to go.  At a party, no one is counting!

SO ENJOY EACH OTHER'S DIFFERENCES THE WAY YOU DID IN THE BEGINNING.

Purchase your copy of the book at BARNES AND NOBLE or AMAZON .

THANKS FOR READING TODAY AND THANKS FOR INVESTING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  IT'S AN EASY WAY TO CONTRIBUTE TO WORLD PEACE.  I AM SERIOUS!