Tuesday, October 2, 2012

BLAMING, A WAY OUT


   


Is there a lot of blaming in your relationship?  Are you tired of being blamed?  Do you use blaming to one-up your partner?  Has blaming ever worked for you?  Has it accomplished anything other than you feeling self righteous or justified?  Or your partner feeling nothing but a sense of hopelessness and devastation?

     Some of us grew up in families where the saying, Poop Happens, never applied.  Mom or Dad or both always found someone to blame for whatever went wrong.  There was no such thing as an accident.  Your mistakes or failures became definitions of who you are, for example, a goof ball, an idiot, lame brain, and so on.  Such an upbringing can be good preparation and training for being the perennial martyr or the person who is ALWAYS on the defensive and does any and everything to avoid being wrong or feeling guilty, including blaming.

     Sometimes, such an experience growing up can leave us incapable of apologizing.  It is too painful to simply say “I’m sorry” because it triggers overwhelming humiliation and smallness.  Or we apologize for everything even what we are absolutely not responsible for, for example, it raining on your anniversary or birthday.

Interesting stuff.

The bottom line is blaming, for whatever good or bad reason we use it, is only a way out of the relationship and not a way in.  Check out Chapter Seven in the book.  The most difficult challenge in this chapter is doing what we do for our partner or loved one FOR FREE.


So what do you think?  Leave a comment here or on FACEBOOK.

Purchase your own copy of the book today or purchase one for a friend.
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THANKS FOR READING, COMMENTING, AND INVESTING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
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Monday, October 1, 2012

LIVING YOUR RELATIONSHIP NOW



     WHERE DO YOU LIVE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?  You know, do you live in the past, lugging around all those resentments?  Do you live in the past, wishing everything were as magical as it once was?  Or do you live in the future.  Once he gets that job, everything will be perfect.  Once I quit drinking, then things will surely change.  Once she finds the right combo of hormones and antidepressants, I can stop walking on eggshells.

     WHERE DO YOU LIVE??

     How about living in the NOW.  Try it on for size, try it out for right NOW.  Begin my soaking in who your spouse is right now, right now.  Notice everything you can notice right now.  Then make a decision.  I will love this person right now.  And loving this person right now may take you to a half a dozen nows.  It may mean giving them a kiss you have been withholding because of the past.  It may mean giving him or her a kiss NOW even it won’t lead to what you want it to in the future.  It may mean giving him or her a kiss and saying “I’m going to make the best of our relationship right now” whether that means being cordial, loving, or perhaps being angry and letting the anger move you to being honest and real.  So you’re not going to pretend any longer.

     It is all about NOW.   It is all you have in your relationship.  So grab it.

     Close your eyes and open the book (From The Frying Pan To The Jacuzzi), and point to a place on the page.  Read that paragraph and live it now.

     I HAVE A SPECIAL OFFER FOR RIGHT NOW.  Purchase a book NOW and included will be a ten minute phone coaching session after each chapter.  951-440-94117

     AMAZON or BARNES AND NOBLE

     THANKS FOR READING, COMMENTING, AND THANKS FOR YOUR PURCHASE.