So the bottom line is simple. Tarzan and Jane are different. People in general are different. At times, we speak different languages. Not just a different verbal language, but a different emotional language as well.
So the Jane says “Tarzan, I have something I want to share with you.” She begins to tell Tarzan about an awful situation. Tarzan immediately tunes into his protector and problem solver mode. So he is going to fix it by punching out the kid or person or Orangutan who disrespected her. Or give her a lesson or two about swinging too fast through the trees. Oh, and of course, tell her to quit crying over spilled coconut milk. Tarzan, like many men become suicidal occasionally, and if he’s not conscious of that, he will be surprised when Jane tries to kill him.
But the responsibility also rests with Jane because maybe she can learn that Tarzan is not going to listen like her girlfriends do unless she and Tarzan talk about this and work at it for awhile.
When Jane wears a sexy dress with her boobs hanging out, of course Tarzan thinks she wants to have sex all day, and she thought she was just being a little stylish and a little out there. He thinks a LOT out there. He can’t figure out why she is upset with him groping her all day, and she can’t figure out why he won’t stop and why he treats her like a sex object.
But the responsibility also rest with Tarzan because this has been going on for years. He’s got to know that he is having a HARD time getting the correct message, if there is one. So maybe it’s time for him to start a conversation and don’t say, as a guy, I don’t start conversations with women. Of course, you don’t and that’s why you’re reading this blog or not! Initiate a conversation for crying out loud. “Hey, Jane, so when you dress all sexy like that, what do you want from me and what don’t you want from me? I really don’t want to treat you like a sex object. I just love ya when you dress sexy. It turns me on. It makes me want to fly in the air and all over you.”
Jane and Tarzan’s emotions are not communicating because they are speaking a different emotional language. So once again, we are different. But at age 86, Jane might be thrilled he is groping her boobs or on the other hand, if she and Tarzan never address these differences, she might wonder what the hell is wrong with him and when will he fall out of a tree and die!
At age eighty six, Tarzan might be really happy just to listen because he is tired of being King of the Jungle and Mr. Fixit. He might even be able to get away with dozing off while Jane is talking because it will appear he is listening. He just can’t snore! On on the other hand, if Tarzan never addresses these differences, he will stupidly say something like, “Jane, you’re going to your grave never having learned!” And then he will find himself in the grave. You know, poison in his morning coconut milk or coffee or evening Jungle scotch!
But why wait till you are too tired to care anymore? Or why wait till you kill each other? Let’s begin working today at understanding each other’s emotional language. And remember rule number six, don’t take it all so personally!
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