Monday, July 2, 2012


So what is holding you back from actually being all growed-up in the relationship?  I mean the fact is YOU ARE GROWED-UP.  You are not a kid.  You don’t look like a kid as young as you may appear.  Yes, you are gorgeous, handsome, ready to be on the cover of ....

It is bad enough that you are cheating yourself here by remaining a kid in the relationship.  Worse, you are cheating your spouse out of a healthy relationship, feeding into his or her being satisfied with being in control.  That’s not good for your spouse.  It does not allow them to receive anything from you.  Only allows them to take.  That is ultimately not good for them and definitely not for you.

When you catch yourself feeling as if you are about to get into trouble, take note. Then remind yourself that you can’t get into trouble anymore.  Your partner may not understand a particular choice you are making, but if there are no intended purposeful painful consequences to your partner, then it is important to learn how to proceed with your decision.  The fact of the matter is you are an adult, and at times you will make decisions that other adults do not understand or agree with.

For example, you may decide to go to the gym several days a week for your health.  Your partner may feel angry that you “get” to go to the gym or jealous that you are spending time for yourself outside the relationship.  If, in fact, the two of you have so little time together that your relationship is suffering, you do not want to be flippant and simply say, “screw you, I’m going to the gym!”  But neither do you want to back away from your plan to improve your health out of fear of your partner being upset with you.  There is obviously a need for some conversation here to figure out a way to mutually invest more time in the relationship.  And it is true that where there is a will, there is always a way!

So one more time.  Let’s say it out loud together.  I AM ALL GROWED-UP AND CAN’T GET INTO TROUBLE ANYMORE.  Now say out loud how old you actually are.  Let that reality sink in until you feel that grown-up and that mature.  And feel proud of your age! (Page 33).

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