Thursday, February 6, 2014


     I hear so many women complain that their sweetie pie is  "not emotional or sensitive enough....too controlling.....All he is interested in is sex.  Can't just cuddle and hold me.  Any affection always has to lead to sex....He doesn't listen....I have to chase him around the house if I want to tell him something important....He is too rough with the kids....He is too demanding with the kids....He is so tight with the money....Of course, he is a good provider....My Dad was a good provider, but I don't want to be married to my Dad....Just because he makes more money than me, he thinks he can spend our money on whatever he wants, even if we cannot really afford it.....He never wants to go on vacation where I want to go....Okay, so maybe he deserves to relax, but he drinks way too much....He doesn't want the kids smoking pot, but that's all he does out in the garage, and he thinks the kids can't smell it....Whenever we go somewhere, he is always staring at other women and he thinks I don't see it...."

     So you know what happens when the guy starts crying in therapy?  She reaches over and pleads with him not to cry or worse, "you don't have to win an Oscar, honey."  When I suggest that he stop drinking, she says, "Well, I don't think you have to stop drinking, just don't get drunk."  When I tell the big guy that he comes across as controlling in the session, she says, "Well, I don't want you to be a whimp."  When I suggest that he just hold her more frequently without any sex, she immediately jumps in with, "Oh, that'll never happen.  You don't know him." And on and on it goes.  

     Yes, I get the impression that as much as women complain about men, they really don't want men to change because then.....  Yes, women will have to change as well.  Imagine that?  When we go down the change highway, WE ALL GET TO CHANGE!  

     There is a balance in each relationship and when one person changes, even if for the better of the relationship, the whole relationship has to change and that is unsettling.  I remember a woman complaining for years, I mean years, about her hubby's drinking and it was BAD and we all felt BAD for her until hubby got sober!  Within a month, she went out and bought a full bar for the family room because, as she put it, "we entertain a lot, and we need a bar!"  Go figure. The balance in the relationship had been turned topsy turvy with him sober.  Yes, it had!

     So, ladies, not sure how to deal with your double bind?  You want change but you don't want the consequences of the change?  Get this Book, the perfect guide, the perfect walk along, to carry you both through the topsy turvy's.




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