Blaming your partner or spouse creates a courtroom atmosphere in your relationship. Obviously, there is not much conversation in a courtroom. There is, however, plenty of prosecution and defense. When you bring that courtroom atmosphere into your relationship, you spend all of your energies either accusing or defending. You bring up tons of evidence to prove yourself right and your partner GUILTY beyond doubt! Listening does not have a chance. It’s overridden by your mutual drive to rebuttal each and every accusation. You even go so far as to invite children and sometimes friends to sit on the jury! Nothing good comes from proving your partner wrong or guilty (Chapter Seven, pages 41-42).
This happens frequently right in front of me during session. It is absolutely awful to be a witness to this gladiator style fighting. Over the years, I have become adept at refusing to enter the jury box, but it is still an absolutely devastating experience for the couple and could be if I let it, for myself as well.
|More than likely, you were in this condition when you came to the relationship|
Viewing this emotionally brutal fighting tells me a couple of things. For sure, neither one of you is a whole person, not even a semblance of a whole person. Each of you are run through with holes or wounds in your soul in your psyche in your self worth, and you are good at sticking it to each other right smack into those wounds, but more than likely you entered the relationship with these wounds. More than likely neither of you inflicted the original wounds.
Or something very very very over-the-top painful happened in your relationship, and again something that fit right into your existing wounds, but instead of grabbing on to this painful event and working with it and each other to heal, you buried the event and made a contract to leave it buried.
Unfortunately, neither one of you can leave it buried, but since you said you did, you fight about all kinds of other "shit" to disguise the fact that this Big One did not get buried, but instead buried each of you.
Want to shift gears and stop being gladiators? Want to give a genuine gift for Valentine's this year like closing the courtroom door for good and healing the Big One? Well, Chapters Seven and Sixteen will walk you through the healing steps.
THANK YOU FOR INVESTING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.