So you are desperate for someone in your life to make a change?You’re dying for them to change? Well die no more!
First of all, BE CAREFUL what you wish for. And then be prepared to SEE what you wish for, and when it does show up, for God’s sake, be GRATEFUL. For example, a woman tells her husband that she wants him to be more emotional. She cites all the ways he is cold, heartless, and emotionLESS. In our third session, as her husband confronts a painful experience in his life, one he thought he had buried many years before, he begins to sob. So he finally goes on the journey she is desperate for him to go on. So what does she do? She freaks out. Tells him to stop crying. “I can’t stand to see you so sad.....”
We talk about her surprise reaction, and she admits that it doesn’t make any sense in terms of her initial request. When he begins to sob again in a subsequent session, she tells him, “Well, you don’t have to win an Oscar!” I was not kind. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked her. I am not suggesting that my comment was therapeutic, and we were able to explore how it was she wanted him to be more emotional, but then when he was, it scared her out of her wits, and she did everything she could to shut him down.
The same thing can happen for us guys. We want our woman to be more affectionate and more sexy, and then when she is, we become instantly too tired, have a headache, or become painfully impotent.
We will talk about this interesting phenomenon in follow-up articles. Suffice, now, to give us all a warning. Be careful what you wish for and be ready to see it when it shows up and for God’s sake, be GRATEFUL when it does. So let’s get started.
We often know what we do not want. So I want you to stop dropping F bombs. I want you to stop drinking. I want you to stop disregarding the doctor’s orders. I want you to stop yelling at me and the kids. I want you to stop.......”
But it is difficult for us to translate the what-we-don’t-want into a concrete, detailed, mental action video of what-we-do-want. So this is the first step. We create an extremely detailed mental action video of what it is we want or what it is we are looking for. So let’s take something simple like “I don’t like it when you come home grumpy.”
This Is Your Secret
So now that you have decided what it is you do not like, YOU ARE NOT going to discuss it with him or her. You have already done that, a zillion times, and it only leads to an argument, right? So, this is all clandestine work or perhaps better, TOP SECRET work.
The Mental Action Video
How do you want that person to come home? Seriously, how do you want that person to come home. “Just not grumpy,” doesn’t cut it. HOW DO YOU WANT THAT PERSON TO COME HOME? What does it look like? What does it sound like? What are the words, the conversation? Maybe even, what does it smell like? What does the non-verbal communication look like? How does it feel for you? Perhaps you have never taken the time to create a detailed mental action video of what you want and what it looks and sounds like. So take your time here. Create a detailed, a detailed, a detailed script, a storyboard, the whole nine yards. Replay what you come up with to be sure it is EXACTLY the way you want the person to come home.
So you have the detailed mental action video programmed into your imagination (not fantasy), into your soulful dreams, and then you begin to allow yourself to FEEL THE EMOTIONS that you have when you play this video. When you allow yourself to replay the video over and over again and feel the emotions that get stirred, then this entire experience becomes a new mental model in your amygdala (emotional brain), and your brain becomes prepared to respond to it when it shows up. Your brain begins to generalize this experience as if it happens all the time.
Look For It
Now that the video is made and programmed into your brain, actively begin looking for the action video to show up in real time. My experience has been that it ALWAYS, that it ALWAYS, that it ALWAYS shows up in very short order, like two or three days.
When It Shows Up
When the action video shows up in real time, GIVE ENERGY to the person. Not a reward, not a verbal praise, not a back-hand comment like, “it’s about time you came home in a good mood....why can’t you come home like this every night....so what happened that you’re in a good mood? Did you think I died? SO NO NEGATIVITY. Give ENERGY, full, positive, awezome energy.
What Does Energy Look Like
BE with the person. Spend time with them. Drop everything you are doing and greet them, hug them, smile, let them SEE how happy you are to BE in their presence. If you have to use words, simply say, “So good to have you home. I look forward to you coming home every day (nothing wrong with lying!). Tell me about your day. I’m all ears.”
There is yet one more requirement on your part that can be challenging. But it is the salt. It is the final and perhaps most important ingredient of all.
So once you have created the mental detailed action video and reviewed it bookoo times and allowed yourself to experience the emotions that go with the experience, then....and here is the kicker....you begin relating to the person all day long and all night long AS IF THEY ARE ALREADY BEHAVING THIS WAY.
So there you are. Simple, easy, and costs you nothing. No trip to the therapist, no medication, no arguments, no begging and pleading. Something TOTALLY under your control. What a deal. Let me know how it works. It works for me ALL the times I follow it.
What I have just shared with you is nothing new. You can read about in Chapter 10 of the book, and as I disclose there, it is not mine. Not even sure if it belongs to anyone in particular. Perhaps God. You can find the mechanics or the technology of what I have shared ALL OVER the “place.” It is the heart of most transformational and self healing “programs.” It is the foundation of the so-called secret or the laws of attraction. What I have shared has its roots in ancient Eastern wisdom and the wisdom of Native spirituality throughout the world. It may also be supported by the discoveries of quantum physics and quantum mechanics. A very interesting insight to what is underlying our “magic” can be found on You Tube. Bill Moyers Documentary on Qi . Watch this short six minute segment where the Tai Chi Master describes the way he projects the energy of his thoughts and his will. More to come.